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Taking Care of Yourself During a Divorce

Divorce is never easy for either party and certain conditions can make it even more difficult such as children, pets, assets, and more.

The decision to get divorced may or may not be a mutual decision but one thing is for sure, you need to take care of yourself during the process of getting divorced.  This is a major change to not only your life but your family’s lives and although it is difficult to prepare for there are certain things you can.  

Life can be very difficult on a good day but once the decision has been made to get divorced it can become even more difficult and the process always takes longer than anticipated.  

Who Is To Blame?

Sometimes relationships and marriages simply fail to thrive.  That doesn’t mean either party failed, it could simply mean it wasn’t meant to be.  However, sometimes that leads a person to feel like they personally have failed. 

For example, my parents married when they were 17 years old.  They weren’t adults yet and quickly had three children.  It didn’t take long for them to realize perhaps this wasn’t what they wanted out of their lives.  In the end, they both went their separate ways, always being part of our lives, and went on to re-marry for the rest of their lives.  Their marriage to each other was not a failure, it was a stepping stone on the path of their lives.  

Divorce Is Not Easy Nor Is It Quick

First of all, anything that involves the court system is slow.  There are processes and timelines as well as right now there is COVID.  It can take six months if it is an easy divorce or many years if it is complicated by family and assets.  You can work through an uncontested divorce montgomery al and it will be so much quicker.  

As painful as you think the process will be, it will be worse but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  

The process is emotional, time-consuming, and extremely stressful.  All change is stressful and this is one of the top stressors.  The flip side though is being unhappy is also stressful.  Move through it, seek professional assistance, develop emotional supports for yourself and you will reach the other side. 

Think of Yourself

There are times in your life where you will need to put yourself first.  At this time you need to take care of yourself.  Pamper yourself every now and then if that helps.  Take time to unwind at the end of the day.  Participate in activities like yoga, walking, biking, tai chi, karate, or some other activity.  

As parents, we are used to not putting ourselves first but if you don’t take care of yourself, the children will not be able to be cared for and work will become far more difficult.  This is a time to focus on that balance.  Your employer may have an Employee Assistance Plan and if they do, that is a great place to start to get resources for yourself.  

Personal Life

This is my favorite tip – no one needs to be involved in your personal life.  Many people will feel like they have a right to ask questions and receive answers but you don’t owe an explanation to anyone.  

I saw a quote the other day and it said “No matter how good a person you are, you will always be bad in someone’s story”.  Although I am not getting a divorce, I have found that quote to be helpful throughout recent changes in my life.  

Along those same lines, nowadays people tend to overshare on social media.  You can do what you want with social media but if you don’t put it out there, fewer people will be interested in getting involved in your personal life.  

Documentation

As with anything that is life-changing or involves attorneys and court systems, document everything.  This is helpful for so many reasons.  

The first of which is you may not remember everything afterward due to emotions at the time but if you have written it down, you can recall it effortlessly later.  

After the divorce has been finalized you will be able to look in that rearview mirror and see the growth and feel great about yourself and the strength you had to persevere.  

Documentation is also needed during the process so you can easily keep your attorney up to date.  You won’t be calling them every day to give them updates but when you do meet with them, you will be prepared. 

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