Separation and divorce are incredibly difficult times for any couple, but the trauma and upheaval are often more intense for those who have been in longer-term relationships. These relationships often involve more shared assets, children and are built on more substantial emotional foundations.
Every situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all guide to coping with the breakdown of a relationship, but there are some steps you can take to minimize the stress you’re feeling and adopt a healthier standpoint.
Here in this guide are some helpful tips to help you move successfully on after a separation or divorce.
Go easy on yourself
Separated and divorced people have a tendency to blame themselves for what has happened and to focus on having made a ‘mistake’ which has caused them and others pain. This way of thinking is not only unlikely to be accurate, but it’s also not helpful when trying to focus on a more positive future. Remember that everyone has regrets to some degree, but they are opportunities to learn and improve. You have to forgive and love yourself to be able to have a successful and loving relationship in the future.
Let go of regrets
Focusing on the future also requires letting go of regrets or thinking about how we could or should have acted differently to keep the relationship intact. While we should learn from mistakes and take these lessons forward, dwelling on them will cause unnecessary and unproductive suffering. If you find yourself living in a past moment, pull yourself to the present and think about the positive aspects of where you are now and where you could be in the future.
Be honest about the problems in the relationship
If you were not the instigator of the breakup, you may be tempted to romanticize the lost relationship and only focus on what was good. Do not tell yourself that your ex was perfect and you were the problem as this is unlikely to be true. The reality of nearly every breakup is that there is fault on both sides, so neither you nor your ex is completely blameless or the entire reason the relationship failed. Stop trying to score points or punish yourself and accept everyone makes mistakes. A family lawyer can help divorcing couples to work through the conflict and find a practical resolution to their differences as quickly as possible so you can focus on rebuilding your life.
Focus on the positives
When a relationship ends, it can be tempting to look at the time as lost or wasted, but you are forgetting about all the positive experiences you had during the relationship. The separation does not diminish the places you visited, the moments you shared, children you raised, the friends you made or what you accomplished. The relationship has helped you to grow and, if you can focus on the positives, should help you to move on to a better life.
Rediscover who you are as an individual
Before your relationship, you were probably a happy and fulfilled single person with your own interests and ambitions. Now that you are single again, you are probably different in many ways, but it’s important to rediscover who you are as an individual rather than as one half of a couple. You will get over your loss and grief and your new life is waiting for you.